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When it comes to parenting, one of the most prevalent and tough aspects is dealing with power struggles between parents and their pre-pubescent children. During the time when youngsters are beginning to establish their independence and oppose boundaries, these struggles frequently emerge. The ability to skillfully manage power struggles is of utmost importance, particularly during the pre-pubescent period, which typically includes youngsters between the ages of 9 and 12. Children go through a time of transition from childhood to adolescence that is characterized by major changes in their physical, emotional, and cognitive development. This phase is often referred to as the "tween" years. When power struggles are addressed at this age, it may help develop a foundation of respect and cooperation, which may ease the way for a more seamless ride into the adolescent years.
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Stay Calm and Composed
Keeping calm and composed is key when a power conflict emerges. Anger and frustration are negative emotions that can make problems worse and prevent us from finding a solution. Just breathe deeply and wait for a second to gather your thoughts before you react. Not only does it assist settle the situation at hand, but it also serves as an example of self-regulation for your child. You may teach your youngster that arguments don't have to escalate into full-blown fights if you can keep your cool and come up with a reasonable solution.
Offer Choices
An excellent strategy for handling power struggles is to provide options. Providing pre-pubescent children with options helps them feel more empowered while letting you guide their choices; this is especially helpful when they seek greater control over their own lives. Asking, "Would you prefer to do your homework before or after dinner?" is a nice change of scene from just telling them to get to it right now. Their increasing independence is acknowledged, and their resistance reduced by this method. Your child will learn to be independent and responsible when you give them options, but only within reasonable limitations.
Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
When it comes to managing and avoiding power struggles, having clear and consistent limits is essential. It is important for kids to understand both the rules and the repercussions of breaking them. Make sure that when enforcing the rules, both parents agree and are age-appropriate and fair. Lessening the possibility of power struggles, consistency teaches youngsters that some behaviors are non-negotiable. Children are more likely to accept limits and feel safe when those limits are well-defined and regularly enforced.
Use Positive Reinforcement
The use of positive reinforcement is an effective strategy for resolving power struggles and training desirable behaviors. When your child does a good job following directions, finishing exercises, or dealing with disagreements, be sure to praise and thank them. Positive reinforcement can take the form of words like "I'm proud of you for finishing your homework without being asked," or it can be more concrete, like more playtime. Praise for excellent actions affirms the concept that working together and making wise decisions provide desirable results. This method promotes a healthier parent-child bond by replacing punishing behavior with praise.
Pick Your Battles
Do not become involved in a power struggle over every topic. In order to keep the peace, it's necessary to choose your battles and ignore little disagreements. Sort through the options and decide which are non-negotiable. For example, while it's important to make sure your child completes their homework and follows a regular bedtime routine, it may be helpful to offer them a little flexibility when it comes to clothes and what they do for fun. By choosing your battles wisely, you can keep your energy and authority focused on the areas of your child's behavior that are most essential.
Encourage Open Communication
To stop power struggles and see things from your child's point of view, you need to encourage open communication. Make sure your child can speak about their feelings and thoughts without worrying about being judged or punished. Listen carefully and acknowledge how they feel, even if you don't agree with them. For instance, if your kid is mad about a rule, you could tell them, "I know this rule makes you mad." "Let's talk about why it's important." Open communication helps children believe and respect each other, which makes it easier to settle disagreements and produce answers that work for everyone.
The views expressed are that of the expert alone.
